Hello there, void. I'm the creator of this community. I have only recently joined alanon and am having trouble getting to meetings because I work in the evening and there aren't many day-time meetings in the Akron area. So I thought I'd create a group to fill the void and here it is. I'm struggling today because I really needed to go to a meeting and there are none today. I needed to go to a meeting because, well, because I'm still coming to terms with my life being unmanagable. I have been a doormat for far too long and now the people in my life aren't happy that they don't have me to step all over. Which is making my life seem far more unmanagable than it did when I was lying down and letting people step on me. I have been working hard to let go of my enabling, excuse-making, benefit of the doubt giving, denying behaviors. At work this means standing up for myself and telling my coworker that I won't be doing all the things I've been doing for him for the past year: doing his half of the paperwork, running all the programs that we're both supposed to run, not telling on him when he takes three hour breaks, and so on. I stood up to him in a very small way and he began shouting and I felt afraid and wondered how doing all the extra work could possibly be worse than this.
So yeah. I'm kind of lost and adrift. I'm thinking of going to an open AA meeting so that there can at least be some fellowship and support. But I always feel out of place at AA, like I'm an interloper and a spy and like I don't belong. And that isn't the case at all. I have an addiction too, but instead of being addicted to alcohol, I'm addicted to alcoholics. Or at least to enabling the unpleasant behaviors of them.
Anyway, I've never made a community before, so let's hope this works. I'd really like to meet some others who can help.